


Cloudburst

by leelhiette



Series: Diverging Roads [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Friendship, Gen, HalfGhoul!Hide, Will be darker in themes, a little fluff, human!Kaneki, possible tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 10:59:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3287792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leelhiette/pseuds/leelhiette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. A diverging road of tragedy. [One: Nagachika Hideyoshi became a one-eyed ghoul.]</p>
<p>----</p>
<p>"Hide," Kaneki takes a deep breath. "I-I know."</p>
<p>"What are you saying, 'neki?" Hide tilts his head but, still, patiently waits for the other.</p>
<p>"That day with N-Nishio-san—" The dark haired boy cuts himself off with a rough shake of his head. "I remember seeing you fight him. I remember, some of it." He states quietly, reluctantly, lips pale and face ashen, but he doesn't back away when Hide steps toward him.</p>
<p>That's a good sign, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cloudburst

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this is how I pictured it to be if they are really to trade places. They have different coping mechanisms, attitudes, and outlooks no matter how similarly logical they are in thinking. More explanation will be presented by the end of the chapter.

 

* * *

  **I.**

* * *

Hide really shouldn't have done it.

But, he does so anyway.

When Kaneki first mentions about this girl, so beautiful, so enthralling and reads the same books as he does, Hide congratulates him. Of course, he will. Kaneki's his best friend after all. When he says _best_ friend, as in one and only.

It is understandable, he thinks.

He has his family. He has occasional friends from middle school, high school, and eventually college. But, no one can replace Kaneki. They've been through thick and thin with each other and he can't imagine a future without his best friend. No matter whom they meet throughout their lives, Hide thinks that they will always be there for each other.

So, he muses that he needs to get to know the girl that has caught his best friend's attention.

It won't do to have a repeat of that particular disaster in high school. He's certainly enjoyed humiliating that girl for further destroying Kaneki's confidence.

Obviously, Hide doesn't let Kaneki know. He takes advantage of that one free period he has while Kaneki is in his own class to sneak in into Anteiku. To be honest, he doesn't know what he's looking for. It is around late afternoon, almost evening, and there are no cute waitresses to welcome him. Still, it isn't really hard when the girl who sits by the corner is reading Kaneki's latest obsession. _A Black Goat's Egg_ by Takatsuki Sen, Kaneki's favorite author.

Add that elegant appearance and seemingly delicate touch to her, Hide just knows that she is certainly Kaneki's type.

Without any warning, he plops on the seat across from her and scrutinizes her instantly.

Amethyst eyes blinks at him bewilderedly behind red-framed glasses but there is a scripted touch to her reaction. He hasn't been one for embarrassment and takes advantage of this fact by squinting his eyes at the lady in front of him.

"Can I help you?" She smiles at him gently and he thinks for a moment that Kaneki has good eyes.

Still, looks can be deceiving, he says to himself.

"As a matter of fact, you can." Hide answers confidently as he leans back on his chair. "You see I know someone who is interested in you. He's my best friend and I just want to know the girl that he's been eyeing for a while. I've got to say, he's one lucky guy." He winks for good measure.

He's good at observing people and can immediately identify that flash of annoyance in her eyes.

More than what she seems, he concludes.

"Oh?" She hums and her expressions softens pleasingly. "Is he the guy that carries this book in the café as well?" She brings up her copy of Takatsuki's book and Hide just _knows_ Kaneki will be beside himself with happiness to discover that she's been watching him as well.

"Yeah." He nods in confirmation. "So, what's your name?"

"Kamishiro Rize." She, Rize, introduces demurely as she covers her mouth.

"Well, I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi." He gives his name in return with much less formality than she does. "For surprise's sake, I won't give away my best friend's name." He says as he stands up. "So, I think I got what I needed. Need to go now–"

"Uhm," She suddenly cuts him off, her cheeks flushing lightly. "I-I want to know more about your friend." She murmurs shyly but a genuine interest in her eyes.

Something about her gaze seems off to him.

But, this was for Kaneki, he thinks so he forces himself to sit back down and, well, _endure_.

"Why not?"

(The girl is decent but Hide knows she's someone Kaneki isn't going to be happy with. He's the kind of guy who wants to please everybody.

Hide only sees listlessness in those dark purple eyes and knows that nothing will ever please Kamishiro Rize).

**~o~**

Hide is at the hospital when everything finally sinks in.

As sharp as his mind is, the shock from the events has been simply too much for him. He remembers describing Kaneki to Rize, making sure to let her know just how cool he is but, at the same time, also recounts his best friend's embarrassing moments. She laughs. She has a beautiful laugh. But, she isn't his type. He wants someone who laughs out loud at his jokes or stories and doesn't care about other people's opinion, someone who likes to coo over manga and cry over angst-filled anime shows with him.

After all, Kaneki _is_ great company but Hide's taste in girls isn't supposed to be modelled after his best buddy. That will be too weird for him. And he never plans on replacing the other. Nope. Not happening.

Though, it's evening and, technically, it _is_ Hide's fault for keeping Rize for too long.

So, as consolation and with a promise to introduce his best friend the next day, he offers to walk her home. To his apprehension, there is something gleeful in her expression as he does this and the uneasiness doesn't start to settle in until he realizes that it seems as if he's made a move on Kaneki's girl.

Still, he waves off the guilt and resolves to narrate this surreal conversation to Kaneki tonight.

It may be due to these thoughts that has him spacing out and be unable to see the malicious edge in her smile. They are already in one of the shady areas near the construction site when Hide suddenly realizes that there is something wrong. The residences near this location has been cleared off due to the threat of the 'Eater' type of ghoul. So, why is she still situated near the recent crime scenes when it's been made official by the authorities—

Then, as they say. The rest is history.

Rize is a ghoul. She also plans to eat Kaneki after their 'date' tomorrow. She has almost killed Hide. Thankfully, she's also dead. Kaneki's going to be fine. His injuries, however, are severe enough that he needs a transplant. And that _fucking_ doctor decides to use Rize's organs, a _ghoul's_ organs.

Part of him isn't really surprised that he can't consume food after that.

A disgusting aftertaste in his mouth that leaves his stomach recoiling.

The bigger part is still in a state of disbelief. Mind working so fast that he can't keep up. What happens to humans who have ghoul parts transplanted into them? Because, this certainly isn't it, right? He denies, denies, denies. Because, how unlucky can he really be? He thinks that he's going to go insane when another stale flavor reaches his tongue and he spits out the clump of rice he's forced himself to eat.

Then, he suddenly remembers.

Kaneki is the one supposed to go out with Rize. If Hide hasn't interfered at the last second, then, his best friend will be the one crying on this hospital bed, confused and scared because god knows just how slow and dense Kaneki is when he doesn't want to acknowledge something.

So, there _is_ a silver lining to all of this.

Kaneki is safe. No more Rize to _gently scramble his insides_ —

Just the thought of that two-faced bitch makes his blood boil. Kaneki has already lost too much. Hide can't think of his best friend going through this, doesn't _want_ to even imagine such a thing. So, this is better, right? Hide's parents are busy with their own lives and hasn't even contacted him since he's moved out of the house. It's easy to pretend independence from there and slowly push away and he has no siblings to worry about.

Now that he thinks about it, for the majority of his life outside his family since he's met his best friend, all he really has is Kaneki.

All they have is each other.

So, yeah, Hide eventually decides, better him then.

"Man, what a pain."

(If Kaneki is the one who's gotten involved with Rize, Hide imagines it.

Why, why.

All he can see is more suffering and it almost seems like a tragedy).

**~o~**

Kaneki looks at Hide worriedly.

"I-Is there something wrong?" He asks quietly, losing his appetite.

He doesn't have the heart to enjoy his favorite meal when Hide hasn't even touched his and clearly not in the mood to be eating anything. Maybe, this is a bad choice after all. His best friend seems pretty normal in the beginning, praising and flirting with the female staff at Big Girl's. Though, the moment Kaneki orders for them, Hide falls silent. He's staring into space and the dark haired teen is reluctant to touch the subject of his friend's accident.

Hide blinks at him before grinning.

"No, it's all fine." The blonde waves him off and, as if to reassure him, he takes a big bite of his own burger steak.

The moment he does, Hide's eyes tears up, gags, as he hurriedly drinks a glass of water, coughing as he swallows.

Kaneki puts down his fork and worries.

"If you're not hungry, you shouldn't force yourself." He says gently to his best friend and grabs the other's utensils before he does anything reckless.

"I'm so sorry, Kaneki." Hide apologizes, guilt written all over his face. "After that accident, I can't seem to stomach anything for a while. Though, you don't have to worry! It'll be fine in a few days." He laughs it off loudly.

Well, since Hide has mentioned it—

"Your doctor is currently under heavy criticism about what happened." He mentions as his mind thinks back on those numerous talk shows and interviews. "I mean, he just did what he did to save a life that can still be saved." He remarks but even he's not completely certain about this.

"It's because he performed the transplant without consent from the hospital board or the bereaved family." Hide quietly responds, eyes lowering. "But, it seems that the girl doesn't have any family and is said to be dead on arrival. Man, I really was in a bad condition if they were that desperate to perform the surgery. I'm glad I survived but—" The blonde paused as he frowned, expression clouded.

At this, Kaneki frowns as he ponders.

" _She_ is the one in the accident, right?" He bravely inquires as he meets the other's brown eyes.

"Yeah." Hide looks away but his brow furrows. "Look, it's not like I was making a move on her—"

"I'm glad that it's her." Kaneki suddenly blurts out.

The blonde stares back at him in shock and Kaneki folds on himself in embarrassment.

He really doesn't mean for that to slip out.

"I-I mean, I'd be really sad if you were the one who died, Hide." Kaneki continues uncertainly, bothered at how he, himself, sounded callous. "I know it sounds selfish but I'm glad that it's you who survived." He finishes as he flusters, scratching at his cheek sheepishly.

But, to him, he means every word.

Kaneki will admit, he _is_ saddened to find out about his crush's death. But, he can't lose Hide. Hide is one of a kind. He can't lose his best friend who's been there for everything. Call him selfish but he doesn't want to be left behind. Is that so bad? Is that really so bad?

Without warning, Hide tears up. Fat tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Kaneki, you have _no_ idea how much that means to me—" He hiccups, shudders then suddenly doubles over, and proceeds to throw up on their table and Kaneki is simply too worried about the other to even bother saving his own food from being sprayed with stomach acids.

"H-Hide!"

(Hide is odd. But, Kaneki likes him as he is.

They're best friends, inseparable. He knows that he's depending too much on the other. He's still learning to stand on his own feet. No circumstance has yet forced him to adjust. But, that's fine. As long as they remain like this.

He knows that they'll grow soon and Kaneki doesn't want it to be as others say it will be.

Growing up doesn't always need to be lonely).

**~o~**

Touka doesn't understand what has happened.

Really, she can't understand it.

One minute, she is trying to peacefully wave off a perverted old man, as gently as she can with her temper, when _that_ idiot arrives. Touka hasn't been planning to kill anyone, even if the pervert does piss her off with his lewd advances. Still, the moment the man turns around, seizes the blonde guy _who has his fucking kakugan carelessly activated_ , she finds herself with no choice but to eliminate him. She can't let the human compromise their— _her_ life.

So, she may as well take advantage of it by grabbing herself an arm. He pisses her off, anyway. Even if his meat is probably gross. Finally looking at the blonde cretin, she tilts her head and mockingly offers him the limb.

She has originally planned to beat him to death until she is satisfied.

What she hasn't anticipated is for a familiar face to greet her. She hasn't been around by evening shift but she remembers walking through the shop to ask the manager some coffee supply for her own apartment a few days ago. She recalls taking a brief look at Rize's new victim ( _that **troublesome** woman)_ and feeling annoyance at how the other has been careless with her meals. But, she also remembers his face since that has been the last victim of the 'Binge Eater' that she's aware of.

No one has seen Rize since that day.

Touka has been fairly certain that this guy is human. The one with that nerdy-looking weirdo the other day who's been ogling at Rize. She doesn't know he's a ghoul and _why_ the hell is only one of his eyes red? He is staring at her with wide eyes, faintly horrified and shocked, but mostly, desperate.

He is _supposed_ to be dead.

Instead of pivoting on his heel and running like hell, he falls on all fours in front of her.

"Is this what it means to be a ghoul?" He croaks out, clenching his fists. "I have to eat _humans_? For the past few days, I've done nothing but read about them but nothing's prepared me for this. _Fuck_." He swears and continues to do so.

In front of her. This annoying _shithead_ —

She crouches in front of him and feels something hot and simmering in her chest. Rage.

"What the hell is up with that?" She mocks him, feeling no sympathy for him whatsoever. "You complain to me about _that_? What do you think it feels for me? It's been like this since I was born." Touka delivers calmly, only the iciness of her eyes gives her anger away.

"I know that most only eats to survive." He exhales slowly, still not looking up at her.

"It's not like we chose what to be born as." She deadpans at him.

"W-What happens if we don't eat?" The blonde guys asks _as if he is seriously considering the possibility_.

He pisses her off.

"Other than the fact that we'll die?" She raises an eyebrow, voice sarcastic, watching as he flinches at her words. "Hunger to us ghouls is painful. It's literally _hell_. If we don't eat, most goes berserk and eats the first person they see. Which is going to be a problem if you're trying to blend in with humans." She doesn't understand why she is even explaining this in the first place but the words are scripted and borrowed and she forcefully shakes off the man's gentle voice—

His head snaps at that and he stares at her with frightened eyes.

He _is_ a ghoul, isn't he? Why the fuck does she need to explain this shit?

"S-So, I have to eat." He says shakily, paling, trembling. "Or else, I might eat Kaneki if I see him as I am right now. But, if I eat, won't that make me a monst—"

She doesn't let him finish the question. She beats him to it by introducing her fist to his face.

He squawks in pain and falls on his ass, but otherwise, his nose is only bruised.

"Aren't you fucking noble?" She stands up and gazes down at him coldly. "I now realize that you're no ghoul. But you're not human either. If you want to keep up that fucking human façade, then be my guest and bring yourself to the edge of starvation. Monster, is it? What will you do if you can't control it and accidentally eat your friend? Can it really be called accidental?" She goes on cruelly but the moment he mentions a name, she loses it and thinks of bright smiles, home-cooked meals, and warmth—

Touka is tempted to shove a bloody flesh down his throat but she doesn't.

She just watches.

With trembling hands, he reaches for the limb in her hand. Without a word, she hands it to him. Her eyes doesn't leave him as his teeth sinks into skin and he tears into it, blood dribbling down his chin. He chews, swallows, and exhales. Touka only stares impassively as he cries, tears trickling down his cheeks in massive quantities as he takes another bite, chews, and swallows. It doesn't take long after the sixth bite before he is sobbing on the ground, clawing at his throat but doesn't throw it up.

"From that attitude, I can say that you're formerly human." She mentions quietly, dispassionately. "I don't have any idea how's that fucking possible. What does cake taste like? I've always wondered about that since humans seem to think it's really good while it makes me fucking puke. How does it feel not to live in fear of being hunted down by ghoul investigators or other ghouls who've gone insane? This is just a taste of what it's like and you're already breaking."

"I don't know." He answers after a while and grins at her weakly. "I've always thought of ghouls as fascinating, to be honest. I— I didn't know it's going to be like _this_. I don't know what to do, who to turn to. I thought that I knew enough but I don't." He admits to her.

"So, now, you know." Touka replies flatly before she spins on her heel.

"W-Wait!" He calls out to her and she stops. "Isn't there any way out of this? I don't want to kill anyone."

She looks at him over her shoulder. While it still seems cowardly of him, he has accepted the fact that he will need to consume to survive. Or whatever the hell his reasons are. But, she isn't going to get dragged down by an idiot.

So, Touka doesn't understand what's happened.

They're currently in one of the backrooms of Anteiku as the manager introduces the former human, Nagachika Hideyoshi or 'Hide' as he insists, to how the coffee shop works as a sanctuary for those who can't hunt and doesn't want to hunt. It doesn't take her long to notice that, despite the queasiness, he has a good head on his shoulders. He's questioning the manager where they get the meat, why do they run a coffee shop, why can ghouls drink coffee, and everything about ghouls in general.

She also learns from the manager that Rize's organs have been transplanted into the guy. _Huh_ , he _does_ smell like her.

For his part, Yoshimura seems genuinely pleased that the former human is interested to know about them. It isn't long before the apprehension vanishes all together and the blonde guy is being annoying and pestering the old man with inane questions.

She's probably made a mistake because the guy becomes excitable at the prospect of working in the shop. He even has the nerve to wink at her and remarks that he's lucky to be working with a cute ghoul like her.

Touka ignores him and tries to interfere so it doesn't happen but Yoshimura has the final word.

God damn it.

It happens anyway.

(She still doesn't like him. At least, he isn't complaining too much. Or, he just knows that she'll punch his teeth in if he does.

But—

He isn't dead yet. So, that counts for something).

**~o~**

Hide is—

He knows that he isn't exactly happy but he's content. For the time being. Discovering that Touka is a ghoul hasn't hit him until he's being dragged to Anteiku. Well, he supposes that it's always the ones with the cute faces. Rize, after all, is something else. And, admittedly, aesthetic qualities has lost their appeal to Hide gradually. He won't admit that, deep inside him, there's a bone-chilling fear of getting acquainted with danger again. He's been lucky the first time. The second one is a fluke.

So, yeah, he resolves that it will be _years_ before he considers dating anyone attractive.

He'll have to pull Kaneki with him to do the same, though. That guy is denser than him and what does that really say about his friend's future?

Working at Anteiku is a surreal experience. It's nice to know that there's a place for ghouls who doesn't want to kill like him. Though, he can't help the rush of excitement about learning that there _is_ something like a community amongst ghouls. Yoshimura has told him about how Anteiku's in charge of the 20th Ward. Still, there are troublesome ghouls and they are allowed their territories as long as they clean up after themselves.

While he's learning something that books can never explain to him, Hide also doesn't forget the fact that, _yeah_ , he's a ghoul now. Or half. In order to survive, he needs to eat human meat. He hasn't gotten over his queasiness but one look at Touka's cold, cold eye, he also remembers that he may lose control and instead kill and feast on those around him. He'll rather feel bad for eating dead people than be wracked by guilt for days for unintentionally killing someone.

At least, he can satisfy himself with the reason that he just wants to survive.

Due to satisfying his hunger immediately, he's been able to attend classes and catch up. He thinks that if he hasn't met Touka before then he'll be cooped at home to lock himself away from the world with his music. Because, after that disaster at Big Girl's, human flesh has called out to him like a bone to a rabid dog.

Kaneki still expresses disbelief every time he visits Hide at Anteiku. Hey, he looks _good_ in the uniform—!

Even with the uncomfortable weight of the eyepatch since he can't seem to control his eye and Touka will have his head if he exposes his (and, consequently, _their_ ) identity.

When he isn't entertaining his best friend during breaks, Hide spends most of it with the manager in order to know more about ghouls. If he's going to be stuck like this, then he may as well learn all he can so he won't end up dead or killing anyone. So, those tentacle-things that Rize has attacked him with are called "kagune" and they are the main 'weapons' of ghouls. They are also made of RC cells and it should be traumatizing but Hide finds it cool and actually wants to learn more.

Though, he's also asked if he'll have one of his own since he's only, like, half- _half_.

The manager only gives him an enigmatic smile in reply.

Hide knows that he _is_ hiding something. Still, there are still some things that bother him. He—

He hasn't been back at the hospital since his release. There is something unnatural about his situation that he can't seem to put his finger on. For someone who's only got ghoul organs transplanted, Hide muses that he's more ghoul than human at this point. And, that doctor, _Kanou_ , he's a fucking doctor. Does he _really_ not know that Rize is a ghoul? Surely, with how experts seem to be dissecting ghoul anatomy in news and televisions, he would know.

Somehow, Hide just can't believe that he doesn't know. Doesn't want to believe that he doesn't know—

Just so he can justify what has happened to him.

But, then, he'll greet his best friend's face in the afternoon and receive a small appreciative smile in return, no burden of what could've been in that smile. Because, if Kaneki is in his place, the other will pull away. Kaneki is too scared of hurting people that he'll pull away instead. So many wrongs in life that may have taught the other the wrong end of the lesson and it's always been Hide who's pulling him back.

So, yes, Hide is content. Not happy.

He will learn to live.

(Unlike his best friend, Hide likes change.

It means that there's still hope for everything. Or, well, maybe he's just being optimistic. But, it's also scary, he thinks.

Change, after all, also means losing).

**~o~**

Kaneki is baffled that Hide has decided to work as a _barista_ , of all things.

Even if he points out that the waitress still isn't charmed by his friend, Hide waves it off with a loud laugh and sends an exaggerated wink towards Touka's way. He's learned her name through the numerous times Hide has teased her, no matter how sometimes violent she responds or how coldly she brushes him off. Kaneki doesn't need to be observant like Hide to know that Touka doesn't seem to like him one bit.

Well, too bad for her then, he always goes to Anteiku for Hide. Not her. She'll—

She'll just have to live with it.

Though, Kaneki can tell that there is something different about his best friend. After that accident. It's been subtle. But, definitely there. Hide's eyes are still bright and warm, he's still cheerful and loud, and he's still childish but he carries himself heavily. As if a sudden weight has been put on his shoulders. It's the way his smile is quick to fade, or the way his eyes will look at Kaneki sadly but with contemplation. It's in the little things he does.

But, Kaneki doesn't say anything.

To him, it's a delicate balance. One that he's unwilling to compromise.

He fears that he won't like the end result. So, for his own sake, he keeps quiet and acts like he doesn't notice. Because, to him, change is frightening. It means differently for other people. To Kaneki, though, it only means trying to understand suddenly having only a single parent, coping with loss that he doesn't know who to blame on, living with someone who can't seem to grow to love him no matter what he does, and, possibly, losing his best friend.

No. Kaneki doesn't like the end result. Because, Hide is broad and wide. There are so many people in the blonde's sphere. Even now, there are now Anteiku, Touka, and some others. Kaneki doesn't want to one day discover that he has to let go. He's afraid of becoming a wall. A burden. But, at the same time, _he doesn't want to let go_.

So, he keeps quiet.

He's deathly afraid.

Of—

(One day, Kaneki knows that Hide will grow and see past their own boundaries. He will see things beyond Kaneki because change affects all people. It's just that Kaneki refuses to be swept by the tides of change.

One day, Hide will need to grow and leave Kaneki behind. Change is never kind.

When that day comes, Kaneki wants to be ready.

It's just that he doesn't know if he'll ever be).

**~o~**

Touka muses that she should've brought Hide with her when she's confronted Nishiki that day.

Maybe, she could've prevented what happens a while ago.

Besides, how the hell is she supposed to know that they know each other?

She learns early on that Hide doesn't have the same sense of smell as ordinary ghouls. Unlike Nishiki who can smell the change. That dumbass shit. Apparently, the older male has invited the blonde for one thing or another and Hide has even carelessly brought his human friend with him. If he's known, he will be careful. But, he doesn't and Nishiki catches them off guard. End story of it is that Hide's lost control of his kagune in desperation to save his friend, beat the hell out of Nishiki in the process, but, at the same time, has tried to eat said friend.

If Touka hasn't arrived then, the blonde will have unexpectedly feast on the bloody human.

She also discovers that ghoul instincts are more likely to take over Hide's reasoning than normal ghouls. Must be because he's been human for the first few years of his life.

Still, the blonde hasn't stopped fretting over the other and hasn't left his side ever since he's woken up earlier. Manager has talked to him a while ago but he's still there, holding the human's hand as if he is reassuring himself of the other's continued existence. He's also babbling about nonsensical things to the sleeping human, occasionally inserting a laugh and exclamations when it seems necessary but falls silent in the end.

"What're you going to do?" Touka drawls as she enters the room.

"I don't know." Hide replies quietly. "But I can't leave him, Touka. He's been already left behind by so many people." He confides to her.

Her heart stutters at those words.

She shakes her head at the parallelism that her brain draws between her and the human. They are _different_.

"Well," She says as she turns around and leaves as easily as she makes an entrance. "Make sure you eat, then. So, you have a higher chance that this doesn't happen again." She reminds him and doesn't see if he nods or not.

As she walks down the hallway, she clenches her fists.

If only she can say that he should let go.

But, she can't.

It will only make her a hypocrite when she can't even do so for her own sake.

(She thinks of bright smiles and warmth and even if the food makes her stomach cramp in pain, Touka cherishes.

It's worth it. It's got to be).

**~o~**

Hide knows that he isn't imagining it.

But, he knows.

Kaneki is avoiding him.

Other than the fact that he hasn't come to Anteiku for three days, he also makes the lamest excuses whenever they happen to encounter each other in college. It's bad enough that their only shared subjects are Asian History and Social Economics. Now, in these three grueling days, they may as well be studying in different universities. Hide, after all, has made sure that even if their class schedules coincide with one another, they'd still be able to hang out during short breaks and early dismissals.

Suddenly, his best friend has things to do. He has to finish a report in an obscure class, has to borrow a book from the library from the other side of town, trying to cope better with a part-time job he's recently earned, or just _avoiding him_.

Really, Kaneki, he knows better than that. He can't lie to save his life.

Hide doesn't want to think about the reason. But, he has an idea.

Even now, none of them mentions about the 'accident' that Touka has rescued them from. Hide won't lie to himself since he knows that his best friend is a smart guy. But he's also an indecisive person and is quick to be pulled in the lull of things. His thinking is simple, really, but there are corners that Hide hasn't stepped on to accurately predict him all the time.

"Your weirdo friend hasn't stopped by, huh?" Touka muses as she mops the floor that late evening.

Hide laughs at this.

"When a book catches his attention, it's like the whole world fades to him." He tells her instead, wiping down on a table harder than necessary. "He'll come out of it eventually." He murmurs quietly to himself.

It isn't until _that_ day that Hide realizes just how much of a danger he possibly is to his best friend. He supposes that he has Touka to thank for. If she hasn't stopped him— He doesn't even want to think about it. The logical solution will be to avoid Kaneki. But, Hide is aware of the fact that while he has other things to occupy him, Kaneki basically has nothing. College is a new beginning for his best friend, a fresh start ever since he's moved out of his aunt's house. He means what he's said to Touka. He can't possibly leave the other.

Hide fears that, if he disappears, Kaneki will break. Unlike him who is receiving support from Anteiku despite his struggles as a half-ghoul, all Kaneki has to depend on is him. Hide has accepted this responsibility when Kaneki's mother died and his aunt doesn't even care.

He also _knows_ that Kaneki won't abandon him. This is a fact just as he will never abandon Kaneki.

It's just that, with this evasion routine, Hide is slowly having a hard time believing it.

(When Kaneki is reading, Hide knows that it's easy for his friend to be absorbed in the book. He knows this because Kaneki is always imagining himself in that character's shoes. He knows this because Kaneki hasn't found his place in this world yet, trying to fit in all possible circumstance to belong.

Hide doesn't take the step forward because Kaneki doesn't. Even as a ghoul now, he refuses to veer off the road they both have started. Hide just has to make it work.

He knows he _can_.

Because, to him, he wants to be in every step of the way. That's the kind of best friend he is).

**~o~**

Kaneki confronts him on the fifth day.

Hide knows that it's important when they skip their afternoon classes.

They walk in silence and Hide is calm. It's Kaneki who fidgets and peers at him from dark lashes from time to time. Hide is smart enough on his own to predict where this is going. He tells his heart to calm down because everything is going to be fine.

This is Kaneki, after all.

Even with that fact in mind, his heart doesn't listen and stubbornly thumps wildly in his chest. Loud enough to reach his ears.

They stop at a nearby park that is almost reminiscent of their high school days. But, as much as that brings nostalgia, Hide also doesn't forget the fact that this is the kind of place his best friend always seeks solace. Away from the social ladder that affects high school, the cold shoulder and neglect of a family that is not, and from the world in general when it's obvious that it never is kind to anyone.

Kaneki is such individual and Hide has promised to take care of him.

So, this is the deciding point, huh?

"Man, so you also got a part-time job, huh?" Hide asks good-naturedly as the other sits on the swing while he chooses to stand and lean on the swing pillar.

"I-I'm a waiter at that local diner just a few blocks from my apartment." Kaneki answers quietly as he rubs the back of his neck.

He blinks and laughs. A job that involves interacting with a lot of people ( _strangers_ ) on, possibly, a daily basis.

Something that Kaneki isn't good at.

"Wow!" Hide marvels and, despite himself, genuinely feels proud of his friend. "I would've thought that you'd apply at a bookstore or library. You know, a place that involves _books_?" He wiggles his eyebrows jokingly, trying to lighten up the atmosphere.

"I just thought I could use the c-change." Kaneki looks away, left hand coming up to cradle his chin.

Hide's eyes narrow imperceptibly.

Okay, he hasn't considered the fact that there may be _more_ to Kaneki avoiding him. He's the kind of guy that doesn't ask for help until it's obvious that he does need help. Or is this just his best friend making small talk? Too nervous? Or is Hide overthinking things? Again?

Well, he guesses that they have that in common. Kaneki is a worrywart when it doesn't involve his books and Hide has an overactive mind.

They're really one of a kind, aren't they?

"Well," He exhales noisily and folds his arms over his chest. "I bet that they don't have a cute waitress there like Touka-chan!"

"H-Hide!" Kaneki stares at him, flustered, mortification seeping in his expression.

"What? It's true, isn't it?" The blonde teases light-heartedly, grinning.

Instead of responding to his teasing like he usually does, Kaneki falls silent and stares at his clenched fists on his lap. Hide stares at him some more before closing his eyes, waiting. He can give all the openings his best friend need but Kaneki also has to take the initiative.

Then, abruptly, he stands up and stares at Hide with determined quicksilver eyes.

"Hide," Kaneki takes a deep breath. "I-I know."

"What are you saying, 'neki?" Hide tilts his head but, still, patiently waits for the other.

"That day with N-Nishio-san—" The dark haired boy cuts himself off with a rough shake of his head. "I remember seeing you fight him. I remember, some of it." He states quietly, reluctantly, lips pale and face ashen, but he doesn't back away when Hide steps toward him.

That's a good sign, right?

"Does it bother you?" Hide asks gently, nervously.

"I-I'm scared." Kaneki admits to him honestly.

Well, that hurts more than he's expecting. Hearing those very words from his best friend, Hide holds on to his composure with stubborn will. But, the nervous thumps of his heart within his ribcage is more painful than he remembers.

Kaneki. Kaneki. He's his best friend. He's practically a constant. Is Hide willing to let that go?

"But I trust you." The dark haired teen continues steadily, wringing his hands anxiously. "Y-You're my best friend, Hide. _I trust you_. I've had— _days_ to think about it. When it comes down to it, I don't really care. You're _Hide_." He emphasizes as if that explains it all, to which, going by Kaneki-logic, it does. "Just— Just don't leave me behind. Please." Kaneki remarks softly, raising a tentative hand towards the blonde's own.

Hide does more than receive the hold and pulls Kaneki in.

Kaneki stiffens in his arms.

_God_ , his best friend is scared of him. But then, Kaneki's ear leans over Hide's chest, right over his beating heart. And, before he knows it, Kaneki is hugging him just as tight, desperately. He wonders how they look to bystanders who may be witnessing this. The scene is so— _gay_. But, he doesn't mind. Really, he doesn't mind a lot of things when it comes to Kaneki. So, yeah, even if the other has rejected him, Hide will still look after him. Not a lot of things can deter him.

But, this is nice. Certainly _better_.

And he cherishes this as he finally cries on his best friend's shoulder, bawling out his insecurities, fears, and pain.

Throughout it all, Kaneki holds him.

(Kaneki is afraid of change. Hide knows this.

It's nice to know that he's facing that fear. For his sake).

**~o~**

(Several paths open for all people.

He takes one path and sees it until the end. Time doesn't always have to be a repetition).

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hide is more dynamic than Kaneki. While they both look at situations logically, Hide is more proactive in his approach. Maybe in attitude or self-confidence. So, if he DID somehow end up being a ghoul, I picture it to be he'll think about being disgusted later and focus more on how he EXACTLY got in his situation and how to survive as he is without possibly harming anyone directly. It's shown that he's very good at intel and research.
> 
> Next, unlike Kaneki, Hide knows that his best friend could've possibly been turned to half-ghoul instead of him. This gives him the necessary motivation to keep moving forward faster into accepting his situation than him. And, yes, even if he has several things going on for him, Hide's main focus is Kaneki.
> 
> As shown in his devotion in the manga, even joining the CCG to find him, and possibly (ch. 136 *turns away from possibility*). Anyway, what my point is, Hide can stand on his own and is used to supporting (others) Kaneki for the longest time they've known each other. Thus, worries more after him than his own situation. After all, it's still kind of sad that, even after those years, Hide is the only friend Kaneki has.
> 
> This led me to believe that Kaneki relies on Hide more than we realize. When Kaneki became a half-ghoul, he was forced to stand on his own feet because he didn't want to endanger his friend and received support from Anteiku in return. But, here, Kaneki didn't have these. He's still that timid character before it all began, so to speak.
> 
> Another issue, Hide didn't meet Nishiki for stepping into his territory for having discovered Anteiku earlier. Thus, he hadn't known to avoid Nishiki. He's smart and, if he knew, his choice is to obviously avoid him, he won't knowingly endanger Kaneki, imo.
> 
> Since we deduced that Hide discovered Kaneki is a half-ghoul during that impromptu fight with Nishiki, not necessarily the way Kaneki did in this chapter (I think he heard the conversation between Kaneki and Yoshimura), Kaneki can as well. But, since I believe that Kaneki relies on Hide more, he will think that being a ghoul might lose him his best friend, who's been there all his life. So, unlike Hide who waits for Kaneki to come clean to him, Kaneki makes the desperate decision to confront him about it to earn a measure of certainty for himself and believes that Hide won't lie to him.
> 
> To him, he's still Hide. Though, he's not yet fully comfortable with the "ghoul part" by admitting that he's 'scared' but he makes it clear that he'll believe in Hide.
> 
> Thank you for reading this story! Tell me what you think!


End file.
